Supporting Your Student During His/Her College Experience

College is a time of great transition for families and students as children leave home and take their next steps toward independence.  As parents, it can be very exciting but also difficult to watch your children leave home and balance your changing role in their lives.  You are challenged to support your child in making his/her own independent decisions, while continuing to provide support and guidance for the many issues he/she faces while at school.  The following pages of information are meant to help you in maintaining an active role in your child’s college experience while giving him/her the space he/she needs to learn and develop the independence necessary to become a successful adult.  Also, it is our hope that this information will help you to recognize signs of trouble or distress in your child.

  Important Things To Remember As Your Child Begins His/Her College Experience

• It is important to disclose any pre-existing mental health issues to Counseling Services staff.  Although the idea of starting with a clean slate is alluring, the reality is that your child is more likely to get the care he/she needs if staff are informed of any pre-existing issues.  Starting college is a major stressor which can trigger old issues and feelings.  Attempting to ignore these issues will only create more difficulties and has the potential to get in the way of your child getting the support he/she needs.
• Medication changes should be carefully thought out with your child’s mental health providers.    Many students decide to go off their medication before starting college as they are hoping to leave their problems behind and start fresh.  The reality is that students are very vulnerable emotionally as they start out and make the transition to their first year of school, therefore, stopping medication before beginning college can be a dangerous decision.  
• Efforts should be made to continue with providers at home who prescribe your child’s medications.  We do not have a psychiatrist on campus who prescribes medication to students.  All students in need of medication consults are referred off campus.  Due to the benefits of having a consistent provider, the amount of time spent at home between semesters, and the difficulties with insurance coverage, transportation, and wait times for appointments we recommend that students continue with psychiatric care at home.  Releases may be signed so that counselors on campus can work in collaboration with treating psychiatrists to provide care to students.
• If a student is in need of psychiatric care locally, the process of connecting to a local provider should be done prior to the student’s arrival in September in order to prevent gaps in treatment.  There are often 2-8 week wait times for appointments with local psychiatrists, thus it is important to begin the process of connecting with local providers as soon as possible.  We recommend that you call your insurance company for a list of local providers on their panel.  It is also recommended that you work with the Coordinator of Counseling Services for support with the referral process.

You may call the Wellness Center at (508)-541-1600 and ask to speak to the Director of Counseling Services during our business hours to discuss any concerns regarding your child.  Also Counseling Center Staff are available at New Student Orientation for consultation. 

 

TIPS FOR SUPPORTING AND MAXIMIZING YOUR CHILD’S COLLEGE EXPERIENCE THROUGH THE YEARS

• Model strong communication skills.  According to the American College Health Association, 72.5% of college students say they get the majority of their health information from their parents.  With this fact in mind, use your conversations to strengthen your connection with your child.  Show that it is okay to discuss sensitive and emotional subjects and that it is okay to disagree. 
• Be honest about mental health in your own lives.  Share your personal experiences and those of friends and family.  Show you are open to the idea of getting professional help.  Many young adults connect psychological issues with feelings of shame and embarrassment.  By choosing your words carefully you can help to normalize mental health issues and help your student accept himself/herself.
• Listen, Listen, Listen.  Learn to be an active listener.  Do not finish your child’s thoughts or interrupt with a quick solution, let him/her finish his/her own sentences.  Use nonverbal listening techniques- lean in, maintain good eye contact, smile as appropriate.
• Talk, don’t criticize.  Avoid controlling words like must, ought, and should.  Have balanced and open conversations.  Present your views in a non-critical way in order to help them find their own solutions.
• Communicate regularly.  Set up a regular time to talk with your child while he/she is at school, for example every Sunday to catch up on the week’s events.
• Let your child know that they do not have to protect you from their problems.  Make sure your child knows that you are available as a resource, even if you assume your child already knows this.
• Agree to disagree.  Accept that sometimes you simply will not see eye to eye with your child.
• Take time outs.  The issues you discuss may be tough at times.  Acknowledge that you both might be to upset to talk at that moment, but then set up a time to revisit the issue and stick to it.
• Encourage problem solving skills.  Help your child to think about how to approach a problem and get him/her to weigh the pros and cons of possible solutions.  Let him/her come up with the options, and evaluate the consequences of each to decide what is best.
• Know the warning signs.  You should be aware of signs of distress.  If you notice symptoms of the following problems, begin conversation with you child to initiate the process of support and help.

Symptoms of Depression

• Persistent sad or empty mood
• Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Insomnia or increased sleep
• Restlessness or sluggishness
• Decreased energy or fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
• Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent thoughts of suicide, or a suicide attempt

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder

Following are symptoms of the “highs” or manic phase.

• Extreme irritability and distractibility
• Excessive “high” or euphoric feelings
• Increased energy, activity, restlessness
• Racing thoughts
• Rapid speech
• Decreased need for sleep
• Unrealistic belief in one’s abilities and powers
• Increased sex drive
• Abuse of drugs or alcohol
• Reckless behavior such as spending sprees, rash decisions, or erratic driving

Symptoms of the “lows” are listed under symptoms of depression.
 

Symptoms of Suicidal Thinking

Talking about suicide and other specific changes in behaviors are often outright warning signs.  Pay attention to these signs of potential suicide and take them seriously.

• Talking about killing one’s self
• Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
• Withdrawing from friends and social activities
• Saying things like “It would be better if I wasn’t here” or “Life isn’t worth living”
• Taking unnecessary life risks
• Giving away personal items
• Losing interest in things one used to care about
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
• Getting affairs in order, tying up loose ends

Substance Abuse

• Loss of time from school or work
• Depression or unhappiness
• Drinking or using drugs in order to cope with personal problems
• Drinking or using drugs to overcome shyness
• Loss of interest in family and friends
• Loss of interest in activities which were once of interest
• Difficulty sleeping due to using
• Poor judgment
• Drinking outside of social setting
• Showing up intoxicated or high in inappropriate settings
• Drinking or using drugs to build self confidence
• Mood fluctuations
• Developing health problems due to drinking or using drugs
• Experiencing memory blackouts during or after drinking
• Usually drinking to the point of intoxication
• Feeling guilty about drinking or behavior when drinking
• Weight loss or gain
• Not fulfilling promises or obligations because of drinking or using drugs
• Engaging in behavior while intoxicated that is later regretted

Stress

Many students do not have a diagnosable mental health disorder but are in need of extra support due to stress over a variety of issues including but not limited to academics, relationship issues, drug or alcohol abuse, homesickness, body image concerns, etc.  According to the National College Health Survey, students identify stress as the #1 impediment to their academic success.  It is important to have conversations with your student about how to recognize symptoms of stress and strategies for self care.  These conversations will encourage your child to become more self aware and help you recognize their signs of distress as they come up.  Many students seek counseling at The Wellness Center on a short term basis to help learn strategies to manage their stress and to learn to cope with stressful situations as they arise.

 

Crisis Action Plan

If your child calls you and needs emergency help, here are a few action steps to consider.

• Be calm and supportive, assuring your child he/she did the right thing by contacting you.
• Get the facts.  What exactly is happening?  When did it start?  How is he/she feeling now?
• Acknowledge your limits as a parent, not an expert on mental illness.
• Decide whom to contact.  If you feel your child is suicidal and/or fear for their safety call Public Safety at (508)-541-1888.
• Arrange a meeting with a mental health counselor for an assessment.  Dean College Counseling Services can be contacted at (508)-541-1600.
• Arrange for a return call from your child when he/she is safe and in the care of a responsible adult.
• Ask your child to give the counselor permission to speak to you.
• Identify the contact person.
• Monitor follow-up.
• Create a timeline to make decisions.
• Decide as a group with treatment providers the next steps to take.
• Stay in touch to provide continuous support.

Source:  Screening for Mental Health, Inc., Adapted from “College of the Overwhelmed:  The College Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It” 2004 by Richard Kadison and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo